4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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