remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
