with your own penis?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I smell like Dick and happiness
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