So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
