The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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