im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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