Need sex. Gaining weight.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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