Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize