Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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