Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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