it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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