Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
