every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
