the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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