She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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