I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
