You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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