I wish life had little blips of pornography
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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