he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I could fuck to npr.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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