just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
