I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it was like eating out sand paper
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
