We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
