dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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