There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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