I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
