she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
