I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
