My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just pee around me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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