I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
