Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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