it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
