Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
