Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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