I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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