He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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