I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
