You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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