Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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