I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize