I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize