Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize