9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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