i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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