it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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