I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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