Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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