Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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