First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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