you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I AM VODKA MAN
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize