I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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