someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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