Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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