No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize