the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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