Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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