she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
