woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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