the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
