Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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