Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
