So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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