My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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