I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
